1. Chemistry a substance that causes or accelerates a chemical reaction without itself being affected.
2. something that causes activity between two or more persons or forces without itself being affected.
3. a person or thing that precipitates an event or change: His imprisonment by the government served as the catalyst that helped transform social unrest into revolution.
4. a person whose talk, enthusiasm, or energy causes others to be more friendly, enthusiastic, or energetic.
I’ve been turning the idea of starting a blog over in my mind for a month or so. A friend suggested (as I was once again holding forth on why I think law school and the practice of law suck) that I write a book about my perspective on law school (run, you fools!). That got me thinking of writing about depression and anxiety statistics for law students (because my law school experience was all about depression), and how they skyrocket the instant those poor bastards find themselves confronted with the mind-numbing curriculum and bootcamp-style initiation that is law school.
Then, the more I thought about my own lifelong struggle with depression, the more interested I became in writing about healing from depression, and about my spiritual journey. This healing process is something that has begun for me only in the last few months. In fact, before, I didn’t think of it as possible. There have been a couple of things happening recently in my life that brought about this catalysis. The first is that I found someone to talk to about spirituality, which feels pretty amazing after years of having no one to share this with. I never talked about spirituality with friends before, mostly, I think, because I had no idea how badly i needed to. I thought I was all alone with my struggle. The second is that I’ve recently started going to classes in kundalini yoga. This type of yoga is less exercise-y, more meditation- and breath-focused. I have been craving a structure for spirituality, a place to share it with others, and this yoga studio provides such a place. This sort of community, is, I think, important to fulfillment for most people. After all, what good is spirituality if you are all alone? God created people for this very reason.
These things have been the catalysts for a much more spiritual stage in my life. They’ve accelerated the chemical reaction, so to speak, of a change in me that has been building for a long time. I have been searching for years, finding only disappointment, in organized religion, in counseling and in psychiatry. All the therapy, meds, self-help books and church-hopping I could handle left me with no smaller hole in my heart. My conclusion is this: that the need you have for fulfillment can be met only when you achieve the right circumstances, and these will not present themselves until you are ready (Note: this doesn’t mean when you think you are ready! More likely, you will realize after your life has already changed. Years of experience taught me this, if nothing else: you cannot force a fundamental change in yourself before you are truly ready).
This blog will be a creative outlet for me to talk about my experiences along this spiritual path. The posts might be blogs, or poems, or whatever strikes me as the right form of expression at that time. I also got an idea to write about gratitude from a kundalini yoga blog I follow, and I love this idea, and plan to work it in, as well. I do hope to help people out there on the interwebz who need to know that it is possible to get better, but, if I accomplish nothing other than having a creative outlet for myself, I will be satisfied.