The Catalysis

catalyst

-noun

1.  Chemistry a substance that causes or accelerates a chemical reaction without itself being affected.

2.  something that causes activity between two or more persons or forces without itself being affected.

3.  a person or thing that precipitates an event or change:  His imprisonment by the government served as the catalyst that helped transform social unrest into revolution.

4.  a person whose talk, enthusiasm, or energy causes others to be more friendly, enthusiastic, or energetic.

I’ve been turning the idea of starting a blog over in my mind for a month or so.  A friend suggested (as I was once again holding forth on why I think law school and the practice of law suck) that I write a book about my perspective on law school (run, you fools!).  That got me thinking of writing about depression and anxiety statistics for law students (because my law school experience was all about depression), and how they skyrocket the instant those poor bastards find themselves confronted with the mind-numbing curriculum and bootcamp-style initiation that is law school.

Then, the more I thought about my own lifelong struggle with depression, the more interested I became in writing about healing from depression, and about my spiritual journey.  This healing process is something that has begun for me only in the last few months.  In fact, before, I didn’t think of it as possible.  There have been a couple of things happening recently in my life that brought about this catalysis.  The first is that I found someone to talk to about spirituality, which feels pretty amazing after years of having no one to share this with.  I never talked about spirituality with friends before, mostly, I think, because I had no idea how badly i needed to.  I thought I was all alone with my struggle.  The second is that I’ve recently started going to classes in kundalini yoga.  This type of yoga is less exercise-y, more meditation- and breath-focused.  I have been craving a structure for spirituality, a place to share it with others, and this yoga studio provides such a place.  This sort of community, is, I think, important to fulfillment for most people.  After all, what good is spirituality if you are all alone?  God created people for this very reason.

These things have been the catalysts for a much more spiritual stage in my life.  They’ve accelerated the chemical reaction, so to speak, of a change in me that has been building for a long time.  I have been searching for years, finding only disappointment, in organized religion, in counseling and in psychiatry.  All the therapy, meds, self-help books and church-hopping I could handle left me with no smaller hole in my heart.  My conclusion is this:  that the need you have for fulfillment can be met only when you achieve the right circumstances, and these will not present themselves until you are ready  (Note:  this doesn’t mean when you think you are ready!  More likely, you will realize after your life has already changed.  Years of experience taught me this, if nothing else:  you cannot force a fundamental change in yourself before you are truly ready).

This blog will be a creative outlet  for me to talk about my experiences along this spiritual path.  The posts might be blogs, or poems, or whatever strikes me as the right form of expression at that time.  I also got an idea to write about gratitude from a kundalini yoga blog I follow, and I love this idea, and plan to work it in, as well.  I do hope to help people out there on the interwebz who need to know that it is possible to get better, but, if I accomplish nothing other than having a creative outlet for myself, I will be satisfied.

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21 thoughts on “The Catalysis

  1. I very much enjoyed this, and I think others will, too. But, as you said, even if it is just a form of expression, that will be more than enough!

  2. When I discovered yoga and meditation, my world began to transform significantly. I think they are powerful paths into the peace and tranquility we all seek from “this crazy world” …. which, in turn, also help us to realize the ways in which we are all so deeply connected.

    Bravo on starting the blog – I wish it to be a source of expression and healing for you, as I know it will be!

    • It’s funny, I started trying to practice mindfulness and yoga when I was about 19 or 20. I think I knew even then that they would be the key to finding some peace and contentment, but I never could integrate them into my life before.

      I’ve also been trying to increase my awareness that we are all connected. In large part, it’s the utter terror of total aloneness that makes us all so sick in the head. I’m trying very hard to learn to embrace the “other”.

  3. All you say is so true! Everyone has their own path. I can so relate to finally finding a place where I can finally heal. The other thing that I have to remember for myself: everyone’s path to healing looks different than mine! Love you! 🙂

  4. I was reading about kundalini yoga a little while ago and it definitely piqued my interest. I definitely agree with you about not forcing fundamental change in yourself before you are ready. When it is done before time it is easy to slide back. I think what you are doing is a great and inspiring!

  5. Kate, I am so pleased that Kundalini yoga is contributing to your increasing happiness. When so much of our society is focused on analysis and judgment, it is so easy to get caught up in swirling, negative thought patterns. Activities like yoga and meditation give us solid footing so that we can observe the river, without getting swept away. 🙂

    Looking forward to reading more of your thoughts! Sat nam.

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